Thought of the day: "Bring your IQ and try to understand just cause I'm listening; don't mean we're still friends. Can't fix my problem; you crossed a thin line. You can't just work it out; not with me this time..."

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Listening To: "The Bird and the Worm" - The Used
Mood: Renewed, ready to begin a new.
Writing: Thoughts
Watching: Shaman King
Reading: Thoughts
Health Status: Disgusting..sick, sleepless, restless, vengeful.
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So I'm ready to forgive and forget. I want things to start over and to be reborn. I'm ready to move away from the past and let things go as long as he is willing to change and stop what he's been doing. I don't want anyone to get hurt; they can keep doing what they do but must be aware that Tj and I will have no part of it and that if they try to get in the way; I will step over and on anyone with an intention to hurt and destroy to keep things in balance.

It's hard to quit something really strong just cold turkey but I'm not giving a choice here; I am against this too strongly to let it slide. It killed a close friend of mine and since then I've deemed it to be nothing more than evil in a pure form. It changes people for the worst and it nearly destroyed our relationship. We used to be awesome together; go everywhere and do everything together and then we became distant and he got frustrated so easy and I got stressed because he was always staying up WAY too late. I couldn't bare it anymore and it needed to be done; me or that shit.

I've never been so stressed or sick in my life. For the past week and a half I've been restless; sleeping hardly ever, just doing anything to keep my mind occupied to stop contemplating suicide, trying to coax myself out of my shell. I've been having wicked stomach pains and some days I just wanted to cry but couldn't; as if my body had run dry.

"Now I know you're salt in my wounds..."

With not having a job or being able to find one; despite having tried and gone and done everything I can possibly think of to try and get one. With my family saying shit to me they shouldn't that made me feel unwanted. With friends lying to me and leaving me to feel utterly betrayed with no one to trust and my boyfriend doing stupid shit, I've landed on my last nerve.

"They don't know nothin' about redemption. They don't know nothin' about recovery..."

Sorry for ranting but I really needed to get it out of my system. I feel like I've got no one and I'm utterly alone; it's really hard to move on when you feel betrayed by everyone you know.

-- Lady De Wintre --